Nothing But Balls

In August 2007 Pierre Wajoka netted a penalty for New Caledonia in front of 400 fans at the Toleafoa JS Blatter Complex in Samoa.

So began qualification for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

New Caledonia held on to beat Tahiti 1-0, although their campaign ultimately faltered. But now - 27 months, 800-plus games and thousands of goals later - the line-up for the greatest show on earth is now finalised.

And FIFA can take a bow for ensuring powerhouses like France and Portugal are all safely tucked away now in the hat for the draw. Because in my not-so considered opinion, it’s all a big fix – and I’m not talking about France’s crucial ‘goal’. My problem was with the initial seedings.

Why have seeding in the first place? If all eight teams were good enough to finish second in qualifying to earn their second chance at qualification, why not let all be equal? Why separate them and show favour to bigger footballing nations?

FIFA announced it would use a seeding system in September while the European qualifiers were still going on. Had FIFA done the fair and sporting thing by clearly setting out the rules prior to the European qualifiers, nobody would have any justified cause for discontent or moral outrage.

But by making the announcement mid-qualifying suggests they waited to see which teams would likely be in the playoffs, thus giving traditional powerhouses (Portugal and France) who were struggling a better chance of qualifying for the World Cup.

Sure he’s the best player in the world, a World Cup without Cristiano Ronaldo would be a travesty to many (not me though.) But a World Cup without an Ireland or Ukraine because other teams were shown favoritism is equally wrong. How good would a two-leg playoff affair between France, Portugal or Russia have been for the neutral?

But of course FIFA couldn’t let this happen, and practically bent over backwards to accommodate the likes of Portugal by changing the rules mid-stream, thus ensuring star Ronaldo would be at the World Cup.

Sadly though, this is just another example of unscrupulous behaviour from FIFA. an organisation that knows well and truly which side its bread is buttered. Tough luck for the likes of Ireland, Ukraine and Bosnia.

Anyway, now I’ve got that off my chest, I’ll take a step down from my soapbox.

So now we all know the superstars that will grace South Africa – Cristiano Ronaldo, Thierry Henry of the Harlem Globetrotters, Lionel Messi, Kaka, Wayne Rooney and not forgetting New Zealand’s Rory Fallon, but in honour of those superstars that have missed the boat to the next years extravaganza, NBB give it’s All-star XI that will miss the big show.

GK – Petr Cech, Czech Republic
RB – Darijo Srna, Croatia
CB – Thomas Vermaelen, Belgium
CB – Cristian Chivu, Romania
LB – Marek Jankulovski, Czech Republic MIlan
RM – Antonio Valencia, Ecuador
CM – Kim Kallstrom, Sweden
LM – Andrey Arshavin, Russia
F – Dimitar Berbatov, Bulgaria
F – Emmanuel Adebayor, Togo
F – Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden

Naturally the team would be captained by Ibrahimovic who was dubbed the greatest player in the world by no less a judge than Jose Mourinho. Sadly though Ibrahmiovic won’t be on show to actually prove he’s the most hyped, over-rated player in the world instead.

It’s not a bad team, but could have been better with the inclusion of Ronaldo, Henry, Ribery and all if it wasn’t for the scheming FIFA. But who did I miss out? Who would you have loved to see at the World Cup next year?

“A win's a win," goes the old sporting adage, but England’s narrow 16-9 victory against Argentina on Saturday did little to mask the dire state of the national team. On this evidence England are a team in rapid decline.

Sure, it’s a well documented fact that Martin Johnson’s desk at the RFU is covered with sick notes from a large number of first-choice players, but Saturday’s performance could only be described as ‘abject’. If there's a vision behind this team it's a blurred one. If there's a masterplan it's brilliantly disguised.

This was a performance so disheartening that while some England fans in the 75,000 packed inside Twickers didn't know whether to laugh or cry, the majority went with a chorus of boos.

And you can’t blame them either – with ticket prices up to £85 you expect something resembling entertaining. And put bluntly, England were anything but - they were devoid of any invention, creativity or attacking spark. They were boring, with their first, second and third thoughts being to put boot to ball rather than try and play any rugby.

Despite the boos, and the suggestion in some quarters of the media that Martin Johnson is on borrowed time, this isn’t the case. While he can certainly take no pleasure in the performances of his charges, his job shouldn’t be under threat – not for the time being anyway. If he can’t turn England around, than no-one can.

But big changes are necessary if England are to close the gap on the likes of Wales and Ireland in time for the Six Nations in February, let alone the yawning gap that exists between them and the Southern Hemisphere teams.

Some have said that the crux of the problem is an innate conservatism within this present set-up. The default approach is to spend more time fretting about what the opposition can do to England, rather than what England can do to the opposition.

It’s a negative approach that sadly sums up England’s style of play accurately. Because make no mistakes, we may never see them, but England do have some attacking players of the highest caliber if only there were given their chance.

Shane Gerathy is just one such player. He’s been on fire for his Northampton team this season, but now playing on the back foot for a struggling side, he’s got no chance to showcase his range of skills and looks a little out of depth. He should be persevered with though - he’s a class act and in time will show this.

Other players like Ben Foden are being overlooked as they don’t tick the ‘size matters’ box that Johnson obviously feels it necessary to do in international games. With his box of tricks overflowing, and an ability to play in a number of positions, Foden should at the very least be on the England reserve bench.

He won’t be though. England will select a team with the prime purpose of stopping the All Blacks, rather than a team that could ask some uncomfortable questions about their defence.

New Zealand, like a long black cloud, loom next on England’s horizon. It may only be 15 versus 15, but with the likes of Dan Carter lining up for the AB’s it could be a long afternoon.

A few months back it all looked so rosy – everyone agreed that England had a great chance to win the 2018 World Cup and it looked for all the world if football was coming home again.

After all England is in possession of the best infrastructure to deliver the World Cup successfully – the stadiums and the transport are clearly better than anybody else’s. So why a year before the FIFA delegates announce their decision on 2018 was there a crisis meeting today at which five board members lost their job?

England have long been considered the favourite for 2018 but Spain and Portugal’s joint bid are now deemed to be ahead following stinging criticism of the FA's campaign by Jack Warner, Fifa’s vice-president.

Warner may be has crooked as a dog’s hind leg, but he carries a punch – it is universally believed that he directly influences as many as five of the 24 FIFA executive committee votes.

He’s a good man to have on your side, and at the moment, he’s almost as anti-England as Michel Platini is. He previously said that “nobody in Europe likes England” (when he obviously confused us with the Germans) and that despite inventing the sport we’ve “never made any impact on world football” (1966 anyone?)

Only a few months back he seriously harmed England bid, when he called the FA’s decision to give luxury Mulberry bags to all Fifa’s committee wives as “a symbol of derision.” Being implicated in a bribery scandal after all doesn’t make the country look like the best place to host the greatest sporting event known to man.

As you can see Warner – the president of the CONCACAF federation - is one of the most outspoken and combative members of the Fifa hierarchy. Because Sepp Blatter has relied on his support to stay in power, his abuses though are often tolerated, even indulged.

Here’s a guy whose Trinidad federation once printed and sold 45,000 tickets for a World Cup qualifier, knowing the stadium only held 28,500. And once in a Trinidad friendly in Scotland, it was claimed he asked for the match fee to be made out personally to him.

If that's not dodgy, what about at the last World Cup when his family travel company made £500,000 after re-selling tickets for three times the face value.

Lord Triesmann may not like it, but if we want to win the bid, it’s time for desperate action – and I don’t mean making Michael Ballack an ambassador (that’s already been done after all.)

Warner holds the key, and instead of sucking up to his wife, maybe it’s time to start kissing his fat, Trinidadian black arse. Because right now the nation that invented football and whose club sides are the most watched on earth stands to miss out.

Triesmann and Co. just have to decide if hosting the World Cup is worth it?

Who’d be a football manager? With the instant demand for success, managers are the ones in the firing line when things don’t go their way. It’s unfair, maybe, but part and parcel of being a manager.

But spare a thought for Darren Ferguson - the latest mangerial casualty.

Fergie Jr has taken Peterborough from a team in the bottom rung of English football to a Championship team all in consecutive seasons.

He’s barely hands any funds to work with, yet showing himself to be a ‘chip off the old managerial block’ he masterminded back-to-back promotion when few outside London Road gave them a chance.

A now he’s unemployed - sacked today.

Alright, so his Posh team haven’t had the best start to the season (they currently sit bottom), but with 30 games still left to play of the season, I just can’t get my head around this decision.

The final straw came bizarrely enough after a understandable 3-1 away defeat to Newcastle - the division's outstanding team and likely champions.

How any chairman can justify sacking a manager who has won back-to-back promotions is beyond me? Especially one with so much promise and commitment to the club - Fergie rejected the chance to manage Reading this summer, instead preferring to sign a new four-year contract with Peterborough.

How’s that for a show of loyalty back from the people who run the club?

Last season Fergie led the unfashionable Posh up as league runner-ups behind Leicester City, with a massive club like Leeds five points behind them. But how quickly memories last in football.

Had Peterborough narrowly missed out on the Championship last April, who know where they’d be now... But I’m guessing towards the upper echoleons of League One with Leeds United – with everyone saying what a promising young manager he was.

Thanks to his family name and Daddy's contacts, Darren Ferguson is unlikely to be out of work for long and may even land a far higher profile job.

It may hurt now, but Peterborough’s short-sightedness could be the best thing to happen for his managerial career.

The latest from Newcastle is that Mike Ashley couldn’t sell Newcastle United... So instead he’s decided to sell the club’s 117-year history.

That’s right, Mike Ashley has renamed the famous old ground something that resembles an email address with Ashley own company on the title -sportsdirect.com@StJames’Park.

The fans are up in arms, and it’s not hard to see why. Just when you thought Ashley couldn't plunge the club further into desperation, the man proves you wrong. Ridiculous!

But what’s in a name anyway? Well for sports team quite a lot really as it’s one of the more important factors that helps set the tone for the team, the fans and visiting opposition.

But don’t worry Newcastle fans, as you’re about to see, you’ve still some way to get the worst named football stadium in the world.

Kuntz Stadium - FC Indiana
The name makes you smirk on it’s own, before I even tell you the stadium is home to the Indiana women’s soccer team. To some they’re known as the Lionesses, but many call them by a far ruder name…

Home Depot Center – LA Galaxy
The home of a certain David Beckham, but that doesn’t make the name any better. As if naming your stadium after the American equivalent of B&Q wasn’t bad enough, mis-spelling the world ‘centre’ becomes unforgivable.

Bargain Booze Arena – Witton Albion
Some may say that watching Witton drives you to drink, so maybe that’s why for a couple of season their ground was so called.

Gaylord Entertainment Center - Nashville Predators
I think we’d all agree that Ice hockey is a tough game, played by tough men. Which makes the naming of this NHL ice-rink a bizarre choice to say the least. The owner was forced to rename the stadium the Sonnet Center as the crowds that came were certainly not there for the ice hockey.

Dick’s Sporting Goods Park – Colorado Rapids
What is it with the majority of these names coming from across the pond? Arsenal fans that think the Emirates Stadium is bad enough, take note. Your principal shareholder Stan Kroenke also owns the Rapids and is the man responsible for selling the naming rights of the ground. Suddenly the Emirates doesn’t sound so bad..

Kit Kat Crescent - York City
With York facing financial ruin in 2005, Nestle Rowntree stepped in to rescue the club from collapse. One of the first things they duly did was turn the stadium from Bootham Crescent to KitKat Crescent in. Give us a break, will you?

Arnold Schwarzenegger Stadium - SK Sturm Graz
To honour the town’s most celebrated son, Arnie hometown of Graz decided to name their stadium after him. Talk about the high point of a career that hit such heights as Kindergarten Cop and being named the Governor of California. However, after a dispute over the death penalty Sturm renamed their stadium the UPC Arena in 2005.

Wankdorf Stadium - Young Boys
Surely the greatest stadium name known to man? What more can we say? The construction of the stadium prompted the two best headlines on ESPN Soccernet: “Young Boys Wankdorf erection woe” and “Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief. Nuff said, some times it just too easy.

In a physical game like rugby union, size, strength, and power are always going to be important factors. But as a crippling injury crisis threatens to wreck England’s autumn international preparations, the biggest talking point within the sport is whether the players are getting just too big.

As England prepare to face Australia, Argentina and New Zealand, team manager Martin Johnson must prepare his team with an incredible 27 players from the England Elite and Saxons squad laid up in the infirmary as an injury curse sweeps through his squads.

There can surely no doubt that the increased physicality of the game is one of the principle causes. While injuries are always part of any elite sport - especially in a contact-based sport like rugby – the question remains whether the game is in danger of exceeding the limits of tolerance the human body can withstand?

After overseeing a brutal series in South Africa this summer, the highly respected British Lions’ doctor James Robson has raised such a question voicing serious concerns about the consequences of greater size and bulk amongst modern-day players.

“We’re getting to the point where we’re getting collisions, but not necessary the entertainment. People are trying to run through the opposition, rather than around them.

“Players are so big and so bulky that maybe skills levels have dropped,” said Robson, a veteran of four Lions tours dating back to 1993.

Damian Hopley, the Chief Executive Officer of The Rugby Players Association (RPA), echoes Robson’s thinking: “Sometimes too much emphasise is put on the power side of the game and we need to think more about creativity and skills levels.

“I think sometimes we’re guilty of putting players in the gym for so many hours per day and not working on intelligent rugby skills. The game probably need to recalibrate slightly and look at how we can put more emphasis on skills rather than power,” says Hopley, himself a former England international.

Speaking of the recent spate of injuries to hit the England squad, he said: “Inevitably players are getting stronger, faster, bigger, more powerful and as a consequent of that, there is more collision in the sport.

“My instinct is that this is accumulative of wear and tear over the past few seasons. We need to invest in appropriate research, discover what the pressing issues are and understand how we can best tackle them and move forward from there,” continues Hopley.

Another voice on the injury crisis is Don Shaw, Team Manager of Harlequins Rugby Union Team. Shaw has firsthand knowledge having seen the Harlequins team lose five players from their 35-man squad due to various injuries.

Speaking on a likely cause for the increase in injuries throughout the game, Shaw agrees with Hopley and highlights the changes in the sport since the dawn of the professional age in 1995.

“The game have become a lot faster, and more competitive because it’s much more of a spectator sport. Players have become a lot more athletic, much stronger, more muscular, and leaner,” says Shaw.

Although unlike Messrs Hopley and Robson, he is adamant the game has not yet become a collision sport. “The game is a lot faster than it was, and when you do meet contact with other players, you’re going a lot quicker - but the game is not a collision sport.

“Everyone is taught to avoid contact and collision. Most people will always go for the space. If there are two players there, they’ll either go between them or to the right or left,” stresses Shaw.

He also disagrees with the previous claims that skills levels are coming down in today’s modern day game: “Rugby may look clumsier (than previous eras) because the game is that much faster,” says Shaw.

“However you don’t have big clumsy guys out there. There is nobody is our squad who is clumsy. They are all nature hand to eye coordinated sportsmen. A clumsy guy would not be able to play rugby at a high level.”

Interestingly he says that Harlequins training is equally split between power training and ruby skills with between 1-1.5 hours per day spent on speed and power, while the other couple of hours per day is spent on rugby – statistics that would no doubt please the RPA.

When the Rugby Football Union last studied the number of injuries they found that 75% of all injuries are caused in the contact zone. Not that this should come as a surprise to anyone who has seen the level of intensity at the tackle in today’s game.

These figures also show that almost two players are injured every game, and both will be out for three weeks, but more worrying than this could be the impact of injuries on the careers of the players – a point not lost on Damian Hopley.

“There is no doubt that shelf life is coming down in rugby. With the increase in collisions, then something has to give, and it’s invariably players’ bodies that pack in.

“I think we’ve been guilty as a professional sport of not taking on all the data about injury and trying to think about how that impacts on the key issue for us, which is the welfare of the players.”

Since professionalism perhaps the most significant change in rugby has been the transformation of the back division from nimble, fleet-footed speedsters to musclemen capable of running through brick walls.

But fear not if you’re not the biggest tree in the timber yard – despite the obvious increases in size, there is still a role for the smaller man in rugby. As Damian Hopley notes: “Rugby is still a skilful sport, and (there will always be a place for) the bright intelligent players who can unlock defences which are now dominating the game.”

To prove this, he highlights two smaller players - Shane Williams, the current IRB International Player of the Year, and Shane Gerathy – as examples of players with the blend of pace, power and skill who walking tall in a game dominated by giants.

There’s no doubt the increased profile of the sport and the heighten media presence has sensationalised the injuries of late, as there can be no doubt that players are expanding in height, weight and statue, but rugby still looks rosier than ever.

Crowds are on the increase, bigger events like the London Double Header and Saracens playing at Wembley (the home of football no less) have proved to be massive successes and England have been awarded the World Cup in 2015.

Or as Don Shaw simply sees it – “There’s nothing wrong with the game, or with the sport. Rugby is definitely on the way up and won’t be coming down for a long time.”

Victory over the reigning champions one week, abject humiliation against Fulham the following. Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of Liverpool and Rafa Benitez.

Let’s be honest - yesterday things couldn’t get much worse for Rafa as his side crashed to their fifth Premier League defeat of the season already as they were beaten 3-1 by Fulham, having Philipp Degen and Jamie Carragher sent off in the process.

The defeat all but ends any lingering hopes Liverpool may have had of challenging for the championship after a spirited victory over Man Utd the previous week. But after five seasons at the helm, and countless millions spent on the team, could the public’s patience with Benitez be ready to snap?

Benitez will point to injuries, to key decisions going against his side, to the disruptions behind the scenes, even to beach balls or anything else that deflects the attention from himself, and his shortcomings. But sooner or later he’s going to have to face the truth, and that is he’s taken Liverpool as far as he can.

There is no suggestion from the club that Benitez's job is under threat - especially having been handed a new five-year contract just months ago (they couldn’t afford to fire him anyway), but only two trophies – albeit one Champions League - don’t really amount to much of a return from such an outlet as Benitez has had.

Effectively, Rafa has built a two man team - Gerrard and Torres - and without one or the other in the starting 11, they are nothing in terms of play, creativity and goals. Of course any team in the world would miss a Gerrard or a Torres, but Liverpool’s dependence on them only highlights the weakness of the rest of the playing squad and Benitez’s dodgy transfer dealings.

Because make no mistake about it, of the so called "top four" they have the worst squad, and come the end of this season everyone will see the result of that as Liverpool will be found nowhere near the top. On paper, teams like Man City and Tottenham can arguably be considered to have a deeper squad.

His claim that his squad is “not his own” is pure desperation from a man who has bought almost 70 players to the club and sold the same figure. If in this time he’s been unable to mould a team good enough to challenge at the top both home and abroad, what makes him think he could ever do it.

After yesterday's debacle at Fulham, once more Benitez will find himself being asked some awkward questions over his tactics, and particularly his substitutions. With the game poised at 1-1, Benitez removed goalscorer Fernando Torres, his side’s only attacking weapon, and effectively handed the initative to the home team.

Of course Rafa will argue that Torres is barely at half fitness, and Liverpool have a huge game in midweek, but it’s not the first time he’s pulled this sort of thing. In their last Champions League game against Lyon – again with the game at 1-1 - he replaced goalscorer Benayoun with Voronin much to the derisions from Anfield faithful. In both cases, they would go on to be beaten.

Benitez is however a lucky manager, who has made a habit of pulling off results when his back has been pushed firmly against the wall - and how he needs Liverpool to do it again for him on Wednesday when his team make the trip to Lyon in the Champions League.

With their league dreams in tatters, a defeat in France would see their Champions League campaign over before it’s even started. With reportably no money in the Liverpool coffers, the last thing the club needs is to be miss out of the lucrative knock-out phrases.

Such a result could leave Benitez on the brink.

Is it me or are there not as many characters in football management as there used to be?

Of course you can still rely on the likes of ‘Arry Redknapp, Sir Alex and Ian Holloway to come up with a golden quip each press conference, but there aren’t that many more.

It seems as the money has poured in and professionalism has taken over, so the manager’s have morphed into cliché spouting, impassionate robots.

Hence the announcement of Gordon Strachan returning to the English game with Middlesbrough is something of a God sent, and couldn’t have come at a better time.

Strachan after all is a one man, walking, talking source of quotes – a journalist’s dream….

Once while at Coventry, ironically after a defeat by Boro, he was asked: "In what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?" Quick as a flash he replied: "Mainly that big green one out there."

Another time when asked: “This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you? The wee man’s response was: “You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.”

One time after his team’s unbeaten run was ended, he was asked if he could “take it”, to which he comically replied: “No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.”

But easily by far my particular favourite came when a reporter asked if he could "have a quick word". "Velocity" came the reply as Strachan continued walking. Genius.

Welcome back to English football Mr Strachan. I’ve got a thinking we’ll be hearing a few more pearls of wisdom from you in the not to distant future, and I for one, can’t wait.

Hampton hopes hit by slick Sutton

The magic of the FA Cup died for Hampton & Richmond at the Beveree this weekend as they were beaten 3-1 by Sutton United of the Ryman’s League. Disappointingly it was the second successive year that the Beavers have fallen at home in the final qualifying round before the professional clubs enter the draw.

Hampton can’t have any real complaints about the result after being outplayed by a slick and confident Sutton side who secured victory through goals from Matt Hann, Sam Gargan and a debatable penalty from Alan Poulton. Hampton’s reply came from the hard-working Craig Dundas who had equalised early in the second half against his former team.

While Sutton can now look forward to the possibility of a money-spinning draw against a League One team, Alan Devonshire must raise his Hampton side as they aim to find some league form and resurrect what has been a disappointing season up to now.

In a keenly contested match early chances were at a premium but it was the away team who started the brighter of the two teams with their attractive one-touch football. Ironically their opening goal in the 21st minute came moments after Craig Dundas had almost given Hampton the lead.

An instinctive save by the legs of keeper Kevin Scriven kept out Dundas’ close-range effort, and when the ball was quickly transferred to the other end, Matt Hann was allowed to run through a non-existent home defence and coolly chip the ball over the on-rushing Matt Lovett.

Hampton settled into their task of getting back in the game and were almost rewarded when Dundas, by far their most dangerous attacker, agonisingly saw a shot dragged wide after creating a chance all by himself. Approaching the interval though, they were dealt an injury blow when skipper Dean Wells was forced from the field.

Into the second half and as has been evident far too often this season, Hampton started playing their best football when they were trailing. Moments after Barrie Matthews had looped one header wide they were back on level terms through leading scorer Dundas in the 58th minute. Craig clinically finishing after a high ball had broken into his path before dispatching the ball high into the net for 1-1.

While the home fans hoped their team would grab the game by the scruff of the neck and go on to win the tie, Hampton were caught cold straight from the kick-off as Sutton reclaimed their lead. Sam Gargan with the hammer blow to Hampton hopes, driving home low from the edge of the box through a crowded penalty area and into the far corner.

Five minutes later and the ball was nestling in the back of the Hampton net again as Alan Poulton drove home a harshly awarded penalty kick to give Sutton full control. Matthews was the player penalised for handball while desperately trying to block a goal-bound Sutton shot. Poulton emphatically driving the penalty beyond Lovett giving the keeper no chance whatsoever.

Unsurprisingly Hampton threw caution to the already blustery wind, and threw on their two remaining substitutes in Jon McDonald and Ian Hodges, but to no avail. Despite bombarding the Sutton box with long balls and long throws they were unable to breakthrough and set up a grandstand finish.

The nearest they came was a Hodges back-header from a long throw that beat the keeper but rebounded of the bar and away to safety. Despite a generous five minutes of added time at the end, the lower league side from Sutton were able to control possession as in the end they ran out deserved winners.

Much of the football debate from last weekend has centred on Darren Bent’s controversial ‘beach ball’ goal for Sunderland against Liverpool. There’s no doubting that Liverpool keeper Pepe Reina must have walked beneath a ladder, put new shoes on the table, broken a mirror, forgotten his rabbit’s foot, AND seen a black cat such was his misfortune.

But what is the luckiest goal ever seen? NBB's sport team investigates.

Sir Geoff Hurst, England versus Germany, 1966
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySUM0ZERdA4
One of the most important goals ever scored for England, one of the most controversial, and arguably one of the luckiest on account the ball probably didn’t cross the line - but honestly who apart from the Germans cares? The stage was set for plain Geoff Hurst, as he was known back then, when in the first half of injury time he swivelled on a Alan Ball cross and sent the ball against the underside of the bar and bouncing onto the line. The Swiss ref wasn’t sure if the ball had crossed the line and consulted his linesman, Tofik Bakhramov from the USSR, and the rest as they say is history. Incidentally Sir Geoff other goal – the “people are on the pitch, they think it’s all over” goal was pretty lucky too, as with time running out he intended to boot the ball as far over the goal as possible onto the greyhound track to waste a crucial few seconds. Luckily for England, he found the top corner, and seconds later England were crowned World Champions.

Stuart Attwell and phantom goal – Reading versus Watford, 2008
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0YiuSbBdaQ
Surely another one of the most fortunate goal ever scored on the basis that the ball goes nowhere near the actual goal. The game’s Watford versus Reading, and 13 minutes in Reading are awarded a corner. As the ball is swung in, it hits a Watford defender on the thigh, and harmless bobbled out of play wide of the goal despite a Reading attacker unsuccessfully attempting to keep the ball alive. Surely another corner? Apparently not - on the advice of his assistant who signalled the ball crossed the byline, referee Stuart Attwell - 25-years old and still wet behind the ears - controversially awards the goal to Reading much to everyone’s confusion (and the eternal shame of the Reading players who celebrated it.) So what did those involved think? “Probably the worst decision I've ever witnessed in football," was Reading’s Stephen Hunt's take on the incident. "A monumental howler," was Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd's contribution, while the Watford midfielder John Eustace weighed in with "shocking", "ridiculous" and "embarrassing.”

Darren Bent, Sunderland versus Liverpool, 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKq_7Tl1eyQ
Life’s a beach (ball) at times, especially for Liverpool and under fire boss Rafa Benitez. Five minutes into the Premier League, Bent’s hopeful shot deflected off an inflatable ball into the net, wickedly deceiving a helpless Pepe Reina in goal who had the initial shot covered. The goal was to be the only goal of the game leaving the Reds title hopes severely deflated. If that wasn’t bad enough, a closer examination of the beach ball revealed a Liverpool crest on the ball and that it had come from the large travelling contingence. Oh, irony, you are a cruel mistress at times.

Peter Enkelmann – Aston Villa versus Birmingham, 2002
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18QsjFUquD8
Hot sure if this goal was pure luck, plain bad luck, Enkelmann woeful ball control or a combination of all three. At any rate it couldn’t have come at a worse time for keeper Enkelmann as his team trailed 1-0 in the first second city showdown for 20 years. There looked no danger as Villa’s Olaf Mellberg took a throw in back to Enkelmann. Well no danger until the big Finn took his eyes of the ball, letting it roll under his foot, and in agonising slowmotion make the inevitable bee-line into the net, much to his acute embarrssement. The goal helped Birmingham whack their bitter rivals 3-0, although the goal could have been chalked off as it was inconclusive if Enkelmann actually touched the ball.

Paul Peschisolido, Derby versus Nottingham Forest, 1999
Anything a beach ball, a cup of coffee can do just as well it would seem. This time it was a storm in a coffee cup after a plastic cup unwittingly provided a goal assist in the East Midlands showdown between Derby and Notts Forest. As the ball travelled back to Forest keeper Barry Roche, it struck the discarded cup and bobbled up, causing the luckless keeper to slice in into the path of striker Peschisoldio who fired the ball into an empty net.

Jimmy Glass, Carlisle versus Plymouth, 1999
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jO8U_0Yqpbw
Surely the most important goal in Carlisle’s recent history, and scored by a keeper no less. Ironically Glass wasn’t even a fully fledged Carlisle player as he was only on-loan, but quite frankly no one in Cumbria cared about that. Jimmy’s moment of fame came in the final match of the season against Plymouth with Carlisle needed to win to avoid relegation. With the score 1–1 and with only ten seconds remaining, Glass came up from his own penalty area for a corner and promptly scored a last-gasp goal, smashing a volley home after a goalbound header was saved. Carlisle got the win they needed and Scarborough were duly relegated to the Football Conference instead. The goal earned Jimmy a new name - Jimmy Class, a permanent contract, and years a later a book deal for his book ‘One Minute Wonder’.

Paul Robinson, Spurs versus Watford, 2007
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpkqQ4qUaTg
Any goal by a goalkeeper is lucky by virtue of the fact that there primary job is to stop goals. That this goal comes from a free kick deep in his own half, makes Paul Bobinson strike against Watford even luckier. For everyone lucky player, there’s a unlucky player and this role is taken by Ben Foster, ironically Robbo’s England rival. Looking to hit the ball deep into Watford terrotory, Robinson watched as his over-hit kick cleared everyone and bounced over the head of Watford goalkeeper Ben Foster, who had come out his area to collect the ball and into goal.

Paul Robinson, England versus Croatia, 2006
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtF9tl5SLdA
Robinson goes from hero to zero here with this nightmare moment in a crucial Euro qualifier. England were already losing in Zagreb when Robbo was the unwitting victim of a bobbly pitch and a Gary Neville backpass. Trailing one nil, Robinson would have wanted the ground to open up and swallow him, when an attempted to clear a Neville backpass, hit a divot at the crucial moment and bobbled over his foot and rolled agonising over the line. In many ways a watershed moment for both Robinson and manager Steve McClaren – both who’s internationals careers never really recovered from the goal.

Martin Palermo, River Plate versus Velez Sarfield, 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xY_btyWk0s
Nothing outwardly unusual about a header scored by this Argentine striker. Well apart from the fact that Palermo is better known as a the player who infamously missed three penalties in the same Copa American match for Argentina against Columbia. More unusally was the fact that this header came from just inside his own half, all 42 yards out. As the ball was cleared by the out-rushing Velez keeper, Palermo barely had to move before heading the ball back over the stranded keeper’s head and into the net.

Adam Czerskas, Odra versus Wisla Plock, 2007
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Pjxb0dj8j8
A youtube classic from a Polish league game is our final destination to round out our luckiest goal, but what a beauty. Odra are attacking down the left flank through Czerskas who miscontrols a ball, and takes off after it to harrass the defendert. And to coin a phrase from Bruce Forsyth – ‘didn’t he do well?’ As the covering defender comes across, he slams his clearance against Czerskas it wickedly ricochets left, and unerringly bends into the top corner with the keeper stationally. There’s not much for the keeper to do but shake his head, while Czerskas celebrates by holding his head in hands as if in total shock. Fittingly Odra won the game 1-0.

Poor Liverpool, and poor Rafa Benitez. In a season that was supposed to bring the league title to Anfield for the first time in 19 years, things are fast turning into a nightmare.

By nature all football manager are under pressures, with new problems always waiting just around the next corner. For Rafa he’s faced his fair share already this term – injuries to his two most influential players, lack of transfers funds, and boardroom squabbles.

Well now Benítez can bizarrely add a beachball to the ever-growing list after watching his Liverpool's side stuttering start continue in bizarre circumstances at Sunderland.

Liverpool lost 1-0 at the Stadium of Light to a goal from Darren Bent that deflected in off a beach ball, deceiving Pepe Reina in the Liverpool goal who in all likelihood had the initial shot well covered.

If that wasn’t bad enough, a closer examination of the beach ball revealed a Liverpool crest on the ball and that it had come from the large travelling contingence. Oh, irony, you are a cruel mistress at times.

The defeat was Liverpool's fourth loss of the season after only nine games, in comparison to last season when they only lost two in the whole season. Like Dennis Bergkamp, Liverpool don’t travel too well at the moment with three defeats on the road out of five league games. (They also lost in Florence a few weeks backs as if too further prove our point.)

It’s not the first time that such a goal has been seen in England. Long before that beach ball burst Liverpool's fragile title ambitions, you might remember how a bunch of balloons put pay to Manchester City FA cup dreams in 2008.

Sheffield United scored the decisive goal when with the penalty box resembling a five-year-old birthday party, the ball bounced off a balloon bamboozling City’s defence. Again ironically the balloons a result of the travelling City fans.

It was the turn of a plastic cup in 2004 when Paul Peschisoldo scored in the East Midlands showdown between Derby and Notts Forest. As the ball travelled back to Forest keeper Barry Roche, it struck the discarded cup and bobbled up, causing the luckless keeper to slice in into the path of the striker who fired the ball into an empty net.

By the law of the games, the referee should have disallowed Darren Bent’s goal and re-started with a drop the ball, but Liverpool just aren’t getting them breaks at the moment. All I know for sure is that a big red spherical object hasn't had such a influence on the outcome of an Liverpool match since Razor Ruddock last lined up for them.

This game had it all – four goals, two red cards, a penalty, an own goal, an on-field melee, a commanding captains performance from Dean Wells, and an inept referring performance. Sadly though for Hampton the points, like the goals and the red cards, were shared equally as a late equaliser saw Saturday’s game against Worcester City end 2-2.

Hampton had taken the lead in both halves courtesy of an o.g in the first and Michael Lee-Charles in the 2nd, but sloppy defending provided the visitors with a way back into the game as the Beavers failed to win at home again and dropped another two points.

Manager Alan Devonshire unsurprisingly made a raft of changes with the game only 72 hours after Hampton’s battling FA Cup victory at Averley with Elliott Brathwaite, Nathan Collier, Dave Tarpey, Ashley Smith and Lee-Charles all coming into the starting XI to freshen things up.

Any thoughts that five chances would unsettle the Beavers proved unfounded as Hampton took the lead with their very first attack as early as the 3rd minute. Quick thinking by Jamie Collins saw him release Smith inside the covering fullback and the hapless Wayne Daniel turned his cross into the net to give the Beavers the perfect start.

The attack trio of Tarpey, Lee-Charles and Smith were all catching the eye and troubling the Worcester defence with their pace, interchange and movement. Tarps particularly was desperately unlucky not to extend the lead in the 9th minute when the sprawling Ben Hinchliffe in the away goal pawed his 25-yard curling free kick wide.

Worcester while looking to play attractive football were also giving their best ‘Jon McDonald impression’ and causing numerous problems from long throws. In a matter of minutes, captain Dean Wells put his body on the line with two blocks from thunderous goal-bound shots.

As close as Tarpey free kick was, Worcester Rob Davies came even closer with one of his own as the first half ebbed and flowed. With the Beavers defence expecting a cross, Davies curled the ball around the wall and onto the post as the two teams reached the break with Hampton holding a narrow lead.

This advantage though proved to be short lived as two minutes into the 2nd half Worcester hit the equaliser from the penalty spot, and Orland Jeffrey received his marching orders for a professional foul. O.J was harshly deemed to have hauled Marco Adaggio down in the area after the striker got the wrong side of the big defender. As Orlando made the lonely walk the length of the field to the dressing rooms, Adaggio brushed himself down and lashed the spot kick straight down the middle of the goal.

Despite a man disadvantage, Hampton should have really re-taken the lead immediately from the re-start when Lee-Charles controlled a Deano through ball before wastefully firing over from inside the area when faced with the keeper. He didn’t let his chin drop though, and was rewarded with his first goal for the club as the ten men took the lead in the 65th minute. Dave Tarpey the provider with a perfectly delivered free kick to the far post that was met by a sliding Lee-Charles to volley home.

Six minute later the game erupted as a reckless late tackle from Worcester’s Rob Elvins floored Dean Wells, earning Elvins a straight red and provoking a mass brawl between both sets of players as play was held up by a good five minutes. After all the pushing and shoving had been dealt with and both benches being spoken to, referee Coggins bizarrely booked Wells for his ‘role’ in the incident.

More handbags were evident as a flare-up between Tarpey and a Worcester defender earned them both a yellow card, as the referee struggled to keep a lid on what was turning into a niggly encounter. Having seen the numerical advantage now evened out, Hampton sat back and seemed quite happy to get men behind the ball and defend their narrow lead.

Sadly for Hampton this proved to be fatal as a schoolboy error from Jon McDonald gifted Worcester a late equaliser. As a hopeful ball was pumped into the area, Jon hesitated and let the ball bounce allowing Louis Bridges to nip in and beat Matt Lovett to the ball to turn the ball home.

Despite numerous stoppages Mr Coggins inexplicably blew for time shortly afterwards, at least five minutes early, thus ending any lingering hope that Hampton would have had of grabbing a late winner.

While undoubtedly disappointed with the manner of the result, Dev wouldn’t have been too dishearten with the performance of his boys, especially in the light of the numerous changes made. The game also extends the Beavers current unbeaten run to seven games.

Next up for Hampton is the big FA Cup final qualifier against Sutton United at the Beveree next weekend. With the big boys waiting in the following round all Beavers followers will be hopful of progressing against lower league opponents.

NOT content with humbling the Aussies in the Ashes, the people who make the country tick – the beer-makers – has decided to put the boot in with a new tipple in recognition of Andrew Strauss’ men.

Victorious Bitter is a beer brewed especially to celebrate England's Ashes win, and is Marston's latest swipe at the Australians.

The beer, which will also be known as VB is a tongue in cheek tribute to Australian cricket team’s official beer Victoria Bitter. The advertising campaign continues along the Aussie bashing line - “England has history, Australia has previous” and “We’re English we brew beer, you’re Australian you serve it.”

The tongue in cheek banter doesn’t stop there - the brewer has used the back label to full advantage with the opener: “The Ashes returned to their rightful home at 17.47pm on a glorious English summer’s afternoon. It was mourning in Australia.”

With an ABV of 3.6 per cent, Victorious Bitter boasts a light floral and citrus taste with a hint of Cascade hops that’s clean and fresh on the palate. Delightfully sweet on the English palate, it’s rumoured it leaves a bitter taste in the Aussies mouth and is increasingly hard to swallow!

Football – we all love it, but as Jimmy Greaves rightly said – “it’s a funny old game.”

Only this weekend a Bulgarian third division match was abandoned after only four minutes when injuries left an already depleted team with only six players on the pitch.

Home side Gigant Belene were unable to field a full line-up due to injuries and suspensions so started with eight men which was quickly reduced to six after two players sustained injuries, leaving the referee no choice but to abandon the game.

A look back through the annals of time will throw up some other pretty unusual matches…

Surely it doesn’t come any weirder than when Scotland ‘played’ Estonia in a World Cup qualifier in 1996? The Estonians didn’t turn up, yet despite this the referee still had to start the game. So the Scots came out all kitted up for the game, kicked off and the ref abandoned the game after seconds.

Then there an old favourite of mine – the time that play was suspended by a pitch invasion… By a moped. Inter Milan Ultras some how managed to smuggle a moped into a league match with Atalanta in 2001, and mid-game threw it off the 2nd tier onto the pitch. Certainly not your avergae sight at a football game.

But none of these compare to a match between Barbados and Grenada from the 1994 Shell Caribbean Cup – surely the weirdest game of football…. Ever!

The game was the final match of the group stages, and Grenada went into the match three points ahead of Barbados and with a superior goal difference. All this meant was Barbados needed to win by two goals to progress to the next stage. Simple so far.

The trouble though was caused by an unusual rule, initailly introduced to make games supposedly more exciting, which stated that in the event of a drawn game, it would go to sudden-death extra time, where the winner would be awarded a two goal victory.

Onto the game and Barbados led 2-0 until the 83rd minute, when Grenada struck, making it 2-1. The Grenada’s eager to preserve only a one goal defeat duly packed their defence for the remaining minutes, safe in the knowledge a 2-1 defeat would still see them through.

All was going well as they bravely defended their lead. Well until the Barbadians igneniously realised if the game ended a draw, they’d play extra-time giving them another half hour to break down the defence. With this in mind, Barbados turned around and deliberately scored an own goal.

The Grenadians realised what was going on, and decided to try and score an own goal of their own, thus putting Barbados back in front by one goal and ultimately Barbados out of the competition. You with me so far?

The Barbados players cottoned onto to this ploy, so started defending their opposition's goal to prevent them doing this. So for the remaining minutes the fans were treated to the bizarro sight of Grenada trying to score at both ends of the pitch.

Barbados split their team in two and defended both goals, managing to hold off Grenada for the final minutes and sending the game into extra time. Barbados cunning plan eventually worked, as in extra time they bagged the game-winner, and, according to the rules, was awarded a 4-2 victory, which put them through to the next round.

Phew… Talk about weird. If you know of weirder games let me know…

Sir Alex Ferguson was at his belligerent best yesterday. He made seven changes to a winning European team, his team played as poorly as I can remember a United playing at home, and yet his under-performing players are spared the hairdryer treatment – that was reserved for referee Alan Wiley. And didn’t he get both barrels?

In the aftermath of United’s 2-2 draw with Sunderland at Old Trafford, despite his side equalising in stoppage time (again), the Manchester United boss felt that the referee did not play enough stoppage time, and harshly claimed that because of this Wiley is no longer fit to be a Premiership referee

Fergie said: “I was disappointed with the referee. He didn’t add on any time for the goal. He played four minutes and two seconds. He was also walking up the pitch for the second goal needing a rest.

“It’s an indictment of our game. We see referees from abroad that are fit as butcher’s dogs. He wasn’t fit. He was taking 30 seconds to book a player. I think he’s taking a rest, writing down names on his card. It’s ridiculous.

"He just wasn’t fit enough for a game of that standard. The fitness of both sets of players, the pace of the game demanded a referee who is fit. He’s not fit,” said an irate Sir Alex.

Fergie spent the majority of the second half prowling the touchline and launching a torrent of expletive-fuelled fury on fourth official Mike Dean after Wiley failed to award United a penalty when Anderson and Phil Bardsley tangled in the box.

Wiley gave a free kick to Sunderland which was harsh on Anderson, although even at Old Trafford in front of the Stretford End where many a penalty have been dubiously awarded, this was definitely no penalty. Having watched the game, I actually thought Wiley had a decent game, allowed the game to flow and got the crucial decisions spot on. Although not according to the United boss.

The attack on Wiley was even more astonishing when you consider Wiley was actually the fourth official for the Manchester derby and the man responsible for awarding United the stoppage time from which they got their late winner – how quickly Sir Alex forgets.

Of course Fergie is a wily old fox. He knows his team played badly, and that his tinkering with the team didn’t exactly help matters. In attacking the ref he’s successfully diverted the attention away from his side’s short coming and questionable tactics. Genius maybe, although it should come at cost.

Sir Alex can’t just publicly launch an unprovoked attack in his post-match comments whenever he wants and he is now likely to face a Football Association charge and a possible touchline ban and rightly so. He’s a great manager no doubting, but his constant moaning are getting tiresome. Put a sock in it Alex…